


We keep this love in a photograph

by True_Wilson20



Series: Wolfstar & One-shots [2]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst AF, Brief mentions of alcoholism, Canon Divergence, Flashback Heavy, Harry's first year, Lily and James' wedding, M/M, Photographs, Wedding Toasts, a little sad tho, first wizarding war, good 'ol days, hagrid visits Remus, mentions of loneliness, not a very happy au, nothing too bad, photo album, reminiscing old days, remus attented the funeral alone, remus left alone on that night, struggling remus, time skip, wedding photos, wolfstar angst, wolfstar fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-15
Updated: 2020-11-15
Packaged: 2021-03-08 22:41:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,760
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27024448
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/True_Wilson20/pseuds/True_Wilson20
Summary: Thirty one year old Remus Lupin is visited by an old friend demanding for a photograph that brought him down a memory lane he so yearned to forget.
Relationships: James Potter/Lily Evans Potter, Sirius Black/Remus Lupin
Series: Wolfstar & One-shots [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1945921
Comments: 7
Kudos: 26





	We keep this love in a photograph

It was just an ordinary day for Remus Lupin as he walked back home from his workplace at the local library. It didn't pay much but was enough for him to surpass. He didn't particularly have anyone to or perhaps anything to look forward to to get a stable job. He was utterly alone in the world. A decade ago, things had been growing great both personally and professionally. He had a little apartment in one of the posh areas of London living with his boyfriend of four years. His best friends had gotten married and also had a lovely baby albeit the fact that they were in hiding and he still hadn't seen the child but was the first to wish them well.

'Harry', he remembered suggesting it after Lily had informed him about the news. Those days feel just like yesterday. Just yesterday, when he had seen Sirius go off to pay a visit to James and he had the little time to plan a gift for his birthday and anniversary that coincidentally fell on the same day. They were nearing Halloween of 1981 and perhaps might even have a little get-together the war be damned. It did hurt a little when he was the only one who hadn't seen Harry but he decided not to pay any heed to it. He would be sure to meet him when time will be alright for them.

_He had gotten a ring with a little R+S engraved on it. It took all his savings but was worth it. The clock had struck twelve and Sirius still hadn't returned._

_Something in the air had felt different but he had just shrugged it off with the winter approaching. London winters were cruel. But when the overbearing silence was burdening upon him, he had to make his move. He didn't know where the Potters lived sans the fact that it was in Godric's Hollow. While apparition seemed to be the most logical thing to do, he decided to take the bus to the muggle neighborhood nearby. A little walk wouldn't do any harm to him._

_Now, he exactly hadn't planned on what he intended to do on reaching the town but maybe staying there would give him the relief that all of them were safe and Sirius had just lost the track of time. It occurred commonly; Sirius tended to stay out a lot and always blamed it on the minute hand that he swore moved faster every time something good happened. The war had really taken a toll on him. Smiling softly at his boyfriend's tactics, Remus takes the bus. He sits by the window and stares out. It was a miracle he had caught the last bus and got a good seat on top of it all. The rain had left its mark on all the windows blurring his vision. Even his werewolf sight couldn't see through. He exhales a bit of air and makes a pattern on them. Even if he and Sirius weren’t exactly in the perfect place at the moment, he couldn’t help but draw a star wherever he could. Remus had always appreciated such little things. They gave him a warm, fuzzy feeling in the pits of his belly and made him feel human. Made him feel worthy of the life he was living. Grateful to the old man who gave him the chance of his life. But little does he know._

_A flash of bright yellow light brings him out of his thoughts. His senses had caught a rumbling come off off somewhere and the vibration that went through his fingers placed on the window confirmed it. He could recognise this sound anywhere. This was the rumble of Elvendork's engine._

_He glances up at the sky and spots it. His eyes trace the outline of the man sitting on it. Sirius was neither bulky nor such heavily bearded. Both had he ever worn such heavy overcoats and what was the pink thing he was holding in his hand? And if that wasn't enough to arouse suspicions, the direction in which the bike was heading surely did. Should he get off the bus and follow it or head home since Sirius was coming? The logistics suggested the former but his heart argued otherwise and he was on his way to The Potters._

It still felt strange to him that how it took a single day for them to agelessly age into what they had become today. A single fateful night threw them into the spirals of maturity and adulthood that they had swore to forgo.

'The Marauders' were no longer invincible.

So, as he nearly avoided the puddle and moved on heavily dragging his feet, he sensed it. Sensed something different in the air and heard it again. The same rumble, the same yellow flashes and the sound of keys swinging as the bike descended.

He should've instinctively drawn his wand out but the stirring in his heart halted his movements. What use would it be to defend him from whoever this person was? Three of his friends are dead and one convicted for the cause. The thought of joining his friends in the heavens above seemed more promising than living in the hell that his life had become. Harry was safe and sound in Hogwarts. The chap must've started his first year with no one to see him off at the station. No one to pester him with ‘I love yous’ and ‘I will miss yous’. No promises of writing back would be made. A single man was to be blamed for this pity. The man who was rotting in prison for the crime he committed. The man who betrayed his best friends, his brother. The man who kept his own lover in the dust. The man whose memories still haunted him. The man he can't stop loving even after ten years of trying to hate him. The ring in his pocket gets heavier as each thought processes. And if the same man were to come back again in his life it wouldn't matter, he would still love him from the bottom of his heart. And if the man in front of him was indeed Sirius, he would rather die at the hands of his lover.

Past lover

'Remus! Remus! Blimey I've been trying to call yeh fer a long time now'.

‘Hagrid’.

What had he been expecting?

‘Good ‘ter see yeh, Remus. Long time, eh? How have yeh been?’

‘Good. Good. How about you, Hagrid?’

‘Yeh know Hogwarts business’.

Remus nods his acknowledgement and beckons him inside.

‘How’s Harry?’

‘He’s good. Small ‘lil thing he is. Just started Hogwarts. That’s why I’m here; do yeh have any photos of Lily and James?’

‘H-harry don’t even have any. But isn’t he living with Lily’s sister?

‘He is. But yeh know ‘em muggles’.

‘Right. I’ll be sure to check. Would you like something to drink?’

‘Rum would be nice’.

Remus had offered a cup of tea or even a cuppa. He had sworn to never touch alcohol again. Being the adult he was forced to be, he had sought alcohol to drink his troubles away but after stumbling from bars, men and nearly losing his sanity, he had begun his journey to sobriety.

But a little drink wouldn’t hurt. It’s not like he was at some kind of bar and expecting a blow or something. It was just an innocent little glass of catching up. He heads towards the kitchen and takes out two glasses, cleans them with an old rag he found lying around and pours the only bottle he found. He offers the other man and takes his. Just a waft is enough to take him back.

_The broken house as the fidelius unveiled itself. The gates blown apart and the ‘Potters’ lying tattered on the floor. James lying lifeless on the corner. Lily’s dead form staring at the cot she couldn’t see. An arm protectively pointing towards it._

Remus shakes his head at the memory and gulps his glass down in one go.

‘Okay there, mate? You downed the whole glass in one go!’

‘Yes. Yes. Just haven’t had a visitor in long time, you know.

Hagrid eyes are filled with sadness and he nods and Remus and then suddenly looks away feeling sorry for him. In an attempt to lighten the mood, Hagrid strikes up a conversation Remus would appreciate.

‘Yer know Harry. Looks just like James. Has Lily’s eyes. Green’.

Remus gulps down another full glass.

_‘He was just so little, Remus. Just so little, with a tiny head, tiny fingers, tiny feet, just so little’._

_‘That’s how babies are, Padfoot. How’s Lily?’_

_‘Oh she’s over the moon, Moony’._

_Sirius sends an exaggerated wink in his direction._

_‘Wouldn’t let James hold him. It’s a miracle she let me, I’m the godfather!’_

_The excitement in Sirius’ tone was too infectious. All the bitterness Remus had felt about being left behind had left his body. He only wished he could see the little bundle of joy that had brightened his Sirius._

‘And then Charlie’s friends took Norbert away’.

Remus had no idea who Charlie was and neither did he know who Norbert was. He didn’t even know if Hagrid was just drunk babbling or telling an actual story. For having a giant’s blood, the man was sure as hell a lightweight.

‘Oh that’s really interesting, what happened after that?’

And Remus tuned out again. He had thought maybe having a friend from the Order would be therapeutic and maybe even get him out of his loneliness. But the complete opposite was having apparently. He found himself spiraling even more. All this alcohol is his system; a member of the Order was taking him back.

_‘Lily, that’s great news! Congratulations!’_

_‘Thank you so much, Remus. I really wish you could be a part of this’._

_‘I wish that too. This war just keeps to go on-I can’t even- How’s James?’_

_‘You know how he gets when he isn’t allowed to do what he wishes. But this baby is keeping him happy. Dumbledore came and took the cloak away to look at it, some hallows he mentioned’._

_‘Oh, Deathly Hallows? That’s just a children’s story.’_

_‘That’s exactly what James said’_

_Remus simply smiles. He was glad that Lily had decided to floo him and deliver the news himself than have Sirius do it. It was nice to know they still cared. Tomorrow their floo would probably be temporarily suspended as well. After the death of James’ parents, the paranoia had subsequently increased and everybody was doing their best to protect themselves even when they know that Fleamont and Euphemia died of dragonpox._

_‘So, we’ve decided to name the baby whatever you suggest, being the sane one out all of you’_

_‘Lily, that’s an honour’._

_He wished he could kiss her knuckles in gratitude but the fire would burn but nonetheless the gesture would be appreciated. She was married to a pureblood after all._

_‘I’ll be sure to send a list of potential names via Sirius’._

_Lily simply smiles as her eyes fill with tears and she bids him a goodbye._

He couldn’t decide if this reality or that past was the better time. It’s funny how there is no way to realize that we’re already living in the good old days before they pass away and we are just left wishing for them.

Remus gets up and goes to look for the photos. He might still have some from their time at Hogwarts or perhaps of sometime from the wedding. He asks Hagrid to wait for him, not even sure even if he heard him or not. He finds them in a brown box he had buried deep into the cupboard. He dusts it off and opens it. A wave of nostalgia passes through him. This entire box could sum up the entire ten years of their life they had spent together. A little box that contained people. All their significance, their value, now held in a box he hadn’t even bothered to open in the last ten years.

The top most photograph is of the last time the four of them were together.

It was the day James had proposed to Lily. It had been totally unexpected when their double date and Peter who had tagged along became a confession time. He remembers sneaking out with Sirius after the photo was taken. How he had complained the whole time how the flash had hurt his eyes.

_Remus dragged Sirius so as to let the newly engaged couple have some alone time. He took his hand in and walked him to the nearest tree since their date was a picnic. All the love in the air was making Remus sappy and he simply wanted Sirius at the moment._

_He grabbed the collar of Sirius’ leather jacket and brought their mouths together. Sirius was pushed into the tree trunk and Remus towered over the man. The leaves in the tree had started to fall and that was perhaps what gave them away since trees don’t shed in the summer._

Remus had instinctively brought his fingers to his lips. Oh how he remembers these moments, how they were reserved only for certain forsaken nights. Several men on him and none could take this away from him. His lips could only sound Sirius on those nights despite the man being far far away.

The photo next to him was that of the wedding. It was the only photo in which he wasn’t there and the only one he had wanted to keep. He didn’t like looking at himself flashing from a bordered frame. He had been late for the wedding. He had drop his mother to the hospital and then pick up his rented suit and that had caused his delay. He had reached just in time to go unnoticed and could proudly claim that he was there for the vows.

_‘You may now kiss the bride’._

_The little kiss the happy couple shared was cheered on by everyone in the audience, all desperate for some good news. With the war looming just outside the doors of the cathedral, the happiness inside was concealed within safe walls away from prying eyes._

_That day had been magical. Magical in every aspect. What’s greater than the merging of two souls into the holy bounds of marriage? What’s greater than the lovely promises that had been shared and a moment of silence that was observed for the fallen soldiers?_

_Remus had never felt happier. So late at night as he was being pestered by passionate kisses on the linings of his body, he thought of the day that was so well spent. As Sirius’ mouth keeps heading down, Remus’ brain is filled with merry thoughts and ringing bells until bliss overtakes him._

_Sirius was the only one to have noticed his delayed arrival. The man had enveloped him into a tight hug and ruffled his perfectly gelled hair as a symbol of ‘I have kissed you’ for the eyes that scrutinized them._

_He had brought a Muggle camera that instantly released the photograph as it was taken and beckoned the happy couple and the best man together. James looked at Lily and Lily looked back at him, their moment of purity captured as the best comes back with a drink in his hand and joins the couple. He has his arm lazily slung over James and the other pointing at the camera. The camera captures them and their little lives are caught as an eternal memory._

_‘Can’t the light not be so blinding? I am seeing colours everywhere’._

_‘It’s just a flash, my love._

Remus immediately shuts the box with a loud thump shuffling all the photos inside. He gets up and moves towards the living room. Hagrid was fast asleep on the sofa he was sitting on. Remus stirs him awake and hands the photograph to him.

‘This is the only one I found’.

The coldness in his tone betraying the nervous crisis his brain was weaving itself for.

He hands the photo to Hagrid who understands it as his note to leave.

With sudden goodbyes and see you soons that never came, Hagrid kick started the bike and was gone. Remus watched him go. Watched him go until he was just a tiny speck of light so gracefully merging with the stars. He glances up at spots it.

The brightest star in the sky only next to the moon.

**Author's Note:**

> Comments and kudos are well appreciated =)  
> Say Hi! on [ Tumblr ](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/iamak20)


End file.
